your parents love me but you hate me
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
