My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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