Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
