Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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