My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
