everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
