So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
