do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
