Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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