i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
