This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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