I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have post one night stand depression
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