Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize