hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
this beer tastes like vomit already
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
