If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
