He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I could fuck to npr.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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