I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
