I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
