When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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