Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
