im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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