but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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