so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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