I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
