things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
