the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize