i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
