It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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