I just pynch a tree in the face
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
only you would photoshop your dick
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
