I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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