dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize