Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
COCAINE IS GR8
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
