So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
