its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
