Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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