I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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