You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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