Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
one might say we're banned from that church
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
