Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
