No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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