i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
