Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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