I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
