One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
