sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
