Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
