so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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