Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
if only i could text you this smell
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
