Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
