He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
