i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
