Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize