Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize