I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
