I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My ass is underappreciated
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
