Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize