for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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