yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
