Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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