I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
