Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
