addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
