I wish I could teleport
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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