Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
