curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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