Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
