PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
